I have to apologize for the title; I said it once and 14 year old me couldn’t unhear it! Risk taking with kids is something I think about often and it comes up at the start of each session of Nature Explorers. As an educator it’s something I’ve read about often and something that I know is so incredibly important for our little ones, but as a parent (and even in practice as an educator) it’s a lot harder to navigate as part of your brain wants to keep your child safe at all costs, and not letting them do something risky sounds much safer. But we have to make sure that our fears don’t hinder our little ones’ growth. We need to take the time to really think through our own concerns and determine which ones are valid and which ones we can maybe let go of. Of course each person is going to have different comfort levels and limits, and we do need to honor those as well. If we take the time to think about the benefits of risk taking and look at different situations that you find yourself and little one in, you may be able to push your comfort level a little bit further to provide your child with the independence they need to build confidence and grow!
What is Risk Taking when it comes to our little ones? How do I decide what is Acceptable Risk?
The benefits of risk taking have been studied and have proven to be many. We’ll take a look at some of those below, but first we need to talk about what risks are. When talking about children taking risks, really that means trying most any new thing. Some of those new things involve small, tiny risks. For example, using a spoon for the first time comes with very little risk to your child. Maybe they’ll poke their eye with it or bump their teeth, but neither are significant or should cause any real damage. Other new things involve larger risks. One example is letting your child climb up a new apparatus at the park where they have a risk of falling and potentially hurting themselves. Risk taking in childhood is inevitable, and is an important part of growing up.
Most things your child will do by themselves for the first time will carry some amount of risk, so you will need to determine which of those are acceptable risks and which are not. Sometimes it’s very easy to determine. To use one example from above, allowing a child to use a spoon for the first time is one that most parents feel is acceptable. The benefits are that your child is developing their fine motor skills, learning to feed themselves, having fun and gaining confidence. The risk is almost none. On the other hand, allowing your toddler to cross the street by themselves would certainly be an unacceptable risk, as they have not developed the skills to do so safely and the possible outcomes include severe injury or death. The ones in the middle are the harder ones to navigate. Letting your child climb a new apparatus at the park is one of these. You have to weigh the benefits and the possible negative outcomes. If your child is successful, they will have grown in confidence, strength, problem solving and much more. If they are unsuccessful, they may fall and hurt themselves (although will still learn lessons about limitations, persistence and problem solving here as well). You have to ask yourself which is more likely and how badly could they hurt themselves. You know your child best, does that new thing look like something they might be able to handle? Can you stand quietly behind or underneath them to catch them if they fall or help them if they ask for it? Is the apparatus high, or low enough to not be too dangerous? Are you worried about them doing it because you hurt yourself as a child at the playground, or does it truly look too big and too much for your little one? That last one is the hardest to answer, but also one of the most important. We all have our own experiences, our own joys and scars from when we were kids, and we bring those into our parenting. We don’t want to parent from fear. Parenting from fear comes with its own negative consequences; we end up hindering our children’s growth and development. No parent wants to do that, so it’s really important to look at the reasons for your decision making and make sure that those decisions are based on your child and the situation at hand, and what is truly acceptable risk and what might just be too dangerous. Of course all of our thresholds are going to be different, and all of our kids are different as well, and at the end of the day you are the one that gets to make these choices. Just make sure you are making them from the right place!
Benefits of Risk Taking
There are so many benefits of risk taking. If the risk is acceptable, and you believe your child will be able to grow and learn from a given risk (whether they succeed or not), try your best to let them go for it, even if it does make you a little bit nervous. Below are the biggest benefits of letting your child take risks.
Enhances Physical Well-Being
The most obvious benefits of children taking risks are the physical benefits. Allowing your child to have a bit more freedom to try new things lets them learn what their little bodies are capable of. They’ll learn their arms can pull them while their legs push them. They’ll improve their hand-eye (and foot-eye) coordination. Fine and gross motor skills will develop faster and stronger. They’ll begin to understand balance, and will improve theirs. They’ll get stronger the more times they are allowed to climb and run and jump. Their heart and lungs will thank you as they get to be active (remember kids are supposed to be involved in active play for at least an hour a day….and many need even more than that!). So will their muscles and bones. All of these physical benefits will come about the more you let them take those risks. Let them cut their own food or help you fix something with tools. Let them climb the tree, or run across the field. Let them wrestle with their brother or sister. Just make sure you are there, make sure you have limited any significant (aka unacceptable) risks, and then watch how they grow!
Enhances Emotional Well-Being
Children who are allowed to take risks also grow emotionally along with their physical development. They gain more confidence in themselves when they succeed. They learn to persevere if they don’t succeed right away, and learn to problem solve along the way until they are able to figure it out. They learn to handle disappointment if they can’t figure it out for a while, and they learn to ask for help when they need it. Some risks they’ll be able to overcome quickly and they’ll be able to do that new thing right away. Other things will take time and many attempts. The mastery of those things becomes even more important as they are more meaningful because they had to work for it. Their self-esteem will grow immensely at that point. Kids are also pretty smart and many know their limits (in a general sense anyway). Most kids won’t immediately try something that is the biggest or hardest thing, or something that they know they can’t handle yet (there are some kids that might, and some situations where they all might try something too hard, and that’s where you as the parent can step in if they are in over their heads). Usually they will try smaller things, and build up until they are comfortable and know they can handle the next challenge. In this way they are not only learning self-regulation but they are also reducing their risks by building up little by little and mastering new skills along the way. So let them build that confidence, let them figure out what they can and can’t do, and let them learn how to never give up!
Enhances Social Well-Being
When risk taking is involved in a social setting, kids will develop greatly here as well. As they try new things together, often kids will encourage or help each other to master them. They will problem solve together and try to come up with solutions if they run into an obstacle. They will also learn to take turns and share spaces and resources. They will make up rules to new games and will learn to follow them. Of course we all know that this isn’t always pretty, but giving kids the space and opportunity to face risks together will help them grow in all of these social skills.
Enhances the Trust Between Parents and Children
Letting your child take risks tells your child that you trust them, and that you believe in them. It tells them that you know they can do it, and that they will be ok. They will also ask for help when they need it and will show you that they are capable of so much more than you ever thought possible. So go ahead and let them know you believe in them and let them show you what they can do!!
Letting your kids take risks sounds scary, and it can sound daunting trying to decide if something is an acceptable risk or not. But the benefits of letting your kids take those risks are so positive, it is really important to really try and take each situation for what it really is and let your kids have the independence they need as often as you can. If this is new to you, ease into it. Take small steps. Give your little ones opportunities to take small risks, and then as you and they get more comfortable you can push those boundaries a bit (in a safe way of course). You know your kids. You know what they can handle. You know when they may need more support. Lean into that. We all want what is best for our kids, and if that is what you are trying to provide, then you are doing an amazing job….keep it up!!!
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