Being a parent (or educator), it’s sometimes hard to let go of control. You want to make sure everything is going right. You want to make sure your child is safe. You want to make sure they are getting the most out of each and every experience they take part in. The thing is that sometimes (arguably most of the time) it’s actually more beneficial to follow the lead of your child. This is another thing I talk about with my families during our first Nature Explorers class of each session. I let them know we don’t have a plan for our walk, except to just get out and go, and see what the kids do. We want to see what captures their attention. We want to see what direction they might take us. Are they looking at the rocks and sticks? Are they wanting to climb the trees? What do they hear? If we let them go and just follow their lead, we’ll see what things naturally catch their attention, and we’ll be able to keep that attention, have some fun, and find the teachable moments in those. If we try to guide them every step of the way, we run the risk of actually detracting from their experience and missing opportunities for fun, connection and learning.
This is as true in terms of playing at home as it is with outdoor learning. Having a space set up where your child (no matter the age) has easy access to their toys and books and even (safe) household objects allows them to take the lead in their everyday play and learning. I of course love the idea of Montessori setups; simple, clean, a few options at a time, rotating consistently. I’ve set up my own child’s play space in that way….although for me maintaining it is hard (others will say it is easy, and it very well may be for them, but we are all different of course!). But at the end of the day, if your child has access to things that they can then choose to become engaged in or not, then you can follow their lead there as well. Which toys do they gravitate towards? Do they want to play with household items more than their toys? Which books? Maybe they don’t want any of that and just want to go for a walk outside. If you let them take the lead, they will tell you what they want (as best as they are able based on their age of course). You can then take advantage of their engagement and attention and again enjoy your time and connect with them, and find those teachable moments.
What can sometimes become difficult is that our knowledge that being engaged with our children is also incredibly important can make us want to create those teachable moments as often as possible. This can sometimes be confusing and hard to decide when to step in, when to speak up, when to “teach” and when to just let it go. To this I really say the same as above, just follow your child’s lead. If we let them choose what to play with, or where we go on a walk and the pace at which we walk…all of those things will lead to a million moments for engaging with our kids and finding teachable moments. And that truly is the key, finding the teachable moments instead of creating them, or even forcing them. The teachable moments become so much more relevant, and so much more fun and exciting, when they have been created by the kids, and they will really get on board when it’s something they are naturally excited about already.
Why is it important to follow their lead?
One of the biggest benefits of allowing your child to lead is exactly what you just read; children will learn far more about something they are interested in than something you have forced on them. If they have a true, natural interest, they will be far more engaged. They will naturally want to explore it, talk about it (once they are talking), listen to you talk about it, and in turn learn about it. They will develop more language because they want to talk and listen.
The learning will not be pressured and your child will pick up new skills and new knowledge when they are ready for it. Both their interest in what they are choosing to learn about and the lack of pressure on their learning will actually lead to deeper and more complex learning.
Finally, following your child’s lead will benefit you as well! You don’t have to always have a pinterest level activity ready at all times. You get to let someone else (your child) be in charge, and then you just get to follow and jump in where necessary and where you want. Maybe the greatest benefit to you both is that your connection with your child will grow, because you are paying attention and really listening to and understanding them, and you will be engaging in the things they like.
How can you follow their lead?
The two most important things in order to follow your child’s lead are to observe and to take a moment. To be honest, that’s really all it comes down to. I know that can be hard with kids, to just let them go and see what happens, but it’s so very important.
By observing, I mean both watch and listen. It doesn’t matter if you have a tiny infant, or a big, grown up child. Watch them and see what they do, and listen to what they have to say (or even the noises that they make). Where do their eyes go? What do they keep returning to (just their eyes or even the child themselves if they are mobile)? What sparks a reaction? That reaction might be a cooing or mumbling noise in non-speaking children. It could be just their eyes getting larger, or a smile coming across their face. If they are older and mobile they might go to an object. If they can talk, they may start speaking about it right away. They may tell you about it, or ask you questions. Just watch and listen to your child. You will learn so much about them and their interests if you allow this to happen.
While you are observing your child, and as they begin to show interest in something, take that moment. Pause. Just be the observer. Don’t jump in and try to participate right away (unless they are asking you a question or they speak to you of course, you don’t have to ignore them). Rather let them get going. Let them begin to play. See what they do with the object that sparks their interest. Give them time to start playing on their own. They will set the pace. They will set the “rules.” They will get the activity rolling.
Once they have begun, then join in. Become that engaged parent that you know is so important and that you want to be. But continue to follow their lead. Do whatever they are doing. Don’t try and change it, or progress it forward before they are ready. Just follow along and let them direct your play. Ask them questions about what they are doing, and just chat with them about it. These can be the teachable moments. Tell them how great they were at pouring liquid from one container to another (and use big, interesting words). Ask them what made them think to organize their stuffed animals from largest to smallest. Tell them how proud you are of the way they were able to spot places on the tree for their hands and feet to help them climb it. Get engaged, but still follow their lead.
What if your baby is tiny? How can you follow their lead if they are not mobile or communicating?
If they aren’t communicative yet, or can’t move to an object, you will of course help them out more. If their eyes light up at the site of a brightly colored rattle, bring it to them and let them try to hold it. Talk to them about what it is, what color it is and the sounds that it makes. Play with them as they continue to smile or coo or whatever it is that showed you they were interested. When they become disengaged, find the next thing that catches their eye. At this stage of course you will need to support them more, but do your best to really observe and acknowledge the things they are interested in. The more you are able to do that at this stage of your baby’s life, the easier it will be as they get older.
So un-plan your day tomorrow. Forget the huge project you have to get organized and eventually clean up. Spend the day letting your child take the lead. Let them be in charge. Watch the little human that they are get excited over whatever it is that gets their little hearts and minds racing. And then get in there and play with them. Let them direct you. See how much fun (and learning) will happen when you let your child take the lead.
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